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I Want to Leave a Legacy

I want to leave a legacy…how will they remember me? Did I choose to love…

Today’s entry is not what I imagined myself writing. I made a commitment to blog for one hundred days straight, which thankfully was not a New Year’s resolution, for it quickly fell to the wayside…my internet at home went out for a bit, my Mac has been giving me issues…in short, my posts simply didn’t happen. I’m restarting today…maybe the second time will be the charm? This post serves as post one.

In any case, that’s not why I’m writing…not in the least bit. I find myself in the computer lab in my university, hacking away on a Windows P.C., something that feels entirely unfamiliar to me. I stumbled down here after an incredibly intriguing discussion in prostitution and cinema…I’d planned to spend some time in the lab, as I have another engagement later this evening, and it doesn’t make any sense for me to head home between class and that activity.  Nevertheless, I didn’t think I’d find myself writing about death today.

We watched yet another film featuring a prostitute today in class, and as we analyzed the material following the film, one of my classmates asked the instructor about her feelings on what happens after we die.  I have an admittedly less secular viewpoint than many of my peers and professors in the academic world, so I caught my breath, waiting for her response.

“I believe…that as long as your memory lives on, as long as people remember who you were…you are still here. You are still influencing, and moving, and changing things.” she responded. She went on to detail why exactly she believes what she does…and I find myself intrigued by her simple response.

Of course, I don’t share her exact perspective…I choose to think that life is not simply a game of accomplishing something that people will remember you for later down the road, but that’s not what my professor was trying to express. Rather, she simply was speaking about the importance of your life not being a story that revolves around you. “Life is an exchange…it’s about receiving from others, yes…but it’s also about what you give.” she shared.

I found my palms sweating and my hands shaking as I contemplated her words. Perhaps that seems a bit overboard to you, but it’s the response I found nonetheless.

In December, I had the privilege of receiving a heartfelt card from a precious lady who is no longer a part of my day to day existence, but who was in an academic capacity in the past. She wrote to me for no reason but to encourage me to continue pressing on in the same manner, spilling compliment upon compliment about my endeavors and behaviors. It was an absolutely precious gift, one that I felt so incredibly moved and honored to receive.

In writing a response to that very woman a few days ago, I reminded her that her work is not simply about the papers she grades, nor the lessons she shares with her students. Rather, it’s about the brief glimpses of her beautiful spirit that she shares with those around her. Perhaps it is for but a moment, a tiny blip in the great scope of life in its entirety, and yet…those moments have the power to transform another for the rest of his lifetime.

I don’t understand why some moments, moments we might be tempted to categorize as pivotal or foundational in some way…why those moments often fade away into oblivion, nor do I understand why some seemingly routine instances are engraved into our minds, souvenirs we carry with us everywhere we go. I do know, however, that the power of influence that reaches far beyond today is a most precious gift.

Sitting in my prostitution class, I wondered…”If I passed away tomorrow, what would people remember?” I imagine the little groups of friends at my funeral laughing, reminiscing about how bizarre my sense of humor was, likely laughing at some random moment of insanity that scarred them. I know there are people who would say they admired certain attributes about my character, whilst others would discuss the accomplishments I’ve been fortunate to achieve thus far in my life.

The thing is…none of that really matters. There is this beautiful song by Nichole Nordeman called “Legacy.” If you’ve never heard it, do yourself a favor and click that link. It has some decidedly Christian overtones, and I understand that some of you may not relate to that particular aspect of it…but the beauty of the understanding she sings about is something that we should all be so fortunate as to grasp. Our lives have to point to something bigger…or all purpose is lost.

I immediately started humming that song in my head when we began this discussion in class, and I even searched through the archives of my site, as I wondered if I might have mentioned it before…I found one entry, from July of 2007. Reading my words, I felt overwhelmed by my resolve to keep pushing, to keep loving. If I remember that month correctly, it was one of great heartache…one of great pain, and one of fear in a certain sense. I was forced to learn how to let go of something I loved, even when it was the last thing I wanted to do…and to focus on the enormous path ahead of me.

You can sense my youthful naivety in my words, and I can’t promise that I was particularly poignant…but what I can tell you is that those words ring just as true today as they did to a scared little boy getting ready to fly across the ocean and start a new life in England.

Your life has purpose, and whether you realize the implications of that simple fact or not, it doesn’t change the truth in those words. You have worth, so enormous that no price can be placed on your head. You are valuable, you are beautiful, you are powerful, you are CAPABLE…no matter your circumstance, no matter the ugly baggage you carry from the past, no matter what. No outside factors hold power over the magnificence of your heart.

Sometimes life is just hard…and unfair. I was walking home in the freezing rain earlier this week, cursing myself for leaving my umbrella at home. My face stung as each little drop felt like a bullet, stinging my cheeks. As I quickly pecked the building code to open my front door, I noticed an elderly homeless woman who walks my streets, day in and out. There she was as always, making her way down the street in the rain.

I sat there and wondered to myself…how does she have the strength? I can barely muster the courage to walk the three minutes from the metro to my apartment building…how can she walk aimlessly, with the simple hope that she’ll survive another day?

Life is heavy and heartbreaks abound, but I choose to believe that when we have the ability to do something…we have a responsibility to act. A quiet prayer may not have been much in that instance, but it was what I had to give…and so I quickly stammered through my simple words.

Will that simple prayer give someone reason to remember me someday? Perhaps not…but we must act, not so that we will be remembered…but so that today counts. And if today counts, tomorrow will look back on the memory with a fond smile.

Act. Stand up and act today. Don’t get caught up in the stress of all of life’s details, don’t shiver in fear of what the repercussions might be. Choose to be somebody who will step out of the crowd, who will look something scary in the face and scream at the top of your lungs, “I will NOT live in fear of you!” Beyond all things, don’t lose grasp of the power behind your value. You have something to give. Maybe that means you’ll smile and tell the cashier at Walmart to have a beautiful day. Maybe it means you’ll tell your waitress to keep the change, or perhaps you’ll send a quick email to a friend, simply to say you’re thinking about them.

Regardless of how you do it, choose to act. Leave a legacy…we might not all have the name recognition afforded to Van Gogh, Freud, or Shakespeare…but we all have the ability to shift and move our world. I’m in…how about you?