Happy
I was thinking I’d sum up my long absence in one or two words.
I’ve been busy.
Oops, that was technically three…one of which was a conjunction. So sue me.
I know, I know. Everybody get’s busy, it’s called life. Maybe there are just moments in your life where you feel like writing about what’s going on, and other moments where you’re simply living it.
Anyway…Let’s just jump back in?
Today, I spent a wonderful day with my roommate Aaron, and two other friends of ours. We went to an American diner called “Breakfast in America” this morning. It was yummy…I had a breakfast burrito, and had to ix-nay the fried potatoes, as I swore off all fried potatoes for 2010. Can you believe that? I just can’t believe I’ve made it this far without cracking.
The better part of the afternoon was spent wandering around Paris, loving this city. Seriously, I would kill to live my own life on day’s like today.
Aaron needed some new clothes, which took us to a local shopping mall this afternoon…and a song playing through the loudspeakers of one of the stores randomly made me think of an old friend…a friend I’m not close with anymore.
Without going into too many details (or any really), a friendship that meant a lot to me ended a few months ago. It hurt in a way I can’t really explain. I’m not really into melodramatic blog posts, so I won’t wax on about it…but it wasn’t fun…and sometimes, the wound feels so raw.
I’ve experienced a lot of crazy things in my young 21 years. I mean for goodness sakes, next month marks three years of living in Europe…three years? So crazy!
I’d look to think I can be tough when I need to be…but today I didn’t feel tough. It was just a brief moment, and it passed quickly…laughing with dear friends that I love made yesterday and its challenges feel one million miles away.
Tonight, I found myself randomly stalking another old friend on Facebook. Different situation, different friend, but plenty of sadness and yucky moments back in the day…and I found myself smiling. Again, who cares about the details…but happy photographs on Facebook of that person simply living their life…made me smile. I didn’t feel any heartbreak about not knowing them like I once did, I didn’t waste time thinking about any of the past…I just thought, “Well done.”
I felt happy that their life was better than I’d have ever thought it would turn out.
That sounds kind of spiteful, but it isn’t supposed to…I guess I just chalked previous mistakes up to something bigger than they were. They were mistakes, they were small faults…but they didn’t determine that person’s future.
I know this is kind of ramble-y, but hey…life doesn’t always have to be polished, right?
I guess my point is simply that it felt nice to see someone’s life for what it is today, not reflecting on a single thing, other than their happiness. And frankly, celebrating that happiness.
Sometimes you love…and you lose. And no, it doesn’t feel okay…it feels like nothing can ever be okay, nothing will ever be the same. But guess what? Today, I discovered that losing a bit doesn’t mean that the love you once shared with someone was somehow made invalid…somehow, it is that very love that can heal your heart.
My heart might hurt a little bit. And I know…it’s going to hurt for a good, long while. The two situations I referenced are pretty far detached from one another, and each have their nuances…but somehow, I feel hopeful…that one day, I’ll look back on the friend I lost, and I won’t need to stifle my tears. I won’t need to bite my tongue and wish things were different…I’ll simply see a smile I once knew, and think to myself…
Bravo!